Sheesh... goodbye 2014! You were one hellacious year, but on the flip side you taught me a heck of a lot. My grandmother was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, which was very, very scary, but we shared some incredibly sweet moments and most importantly, she persevered and kicked cancer right in the butt. You reminded me to breathe. The love of my life has suffered with depression and has experienced feeling stuck, worthless, and confused. It is extremely difficult seeing your best friend sinking. There have been days when I haven't recognized him. Still, those days come and go. I will look into his eyes and I can tell that he's lost, confused, and lonely. You taught me to forgive. With my whole entire heart, I thank you for this. Last year I lost several loved ones. No one died. They just got lost. Family. Friends. It's heart breaking to watch loved ones stray. To sway into the chaos of the world and embrace the dark, never to return. At least not yet. You taught me to not expect apologies. Those that hurt our feelings, lash out at us or talk behind our backs are not always going to say those three simple words: I am sorry. And, it is okay because you taught me to forgive. Regret. I have few regrets. But, I have dear friends and family who suffer from regret. I pray for them often. I hope they find it in their hearts someday to allow the past to be the past. To forgive. Move forward. I hope one day they learn that with every breath there is a new beginning.
You taught me to not question. Instead, you've taught me to trust. In the Bible it says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5 There have been many times in my life where I trusted that all would be well and that surely life couldn't get any worse off than it already was. I trust with my being that the Lord loves me and is always there. I'm grateful for this most of all. You taught me to not hate. You taught me to love instead. Love the Lord, love myself, and love others. When I fell down in September and tore my ACL I dropped to the ground with ease and although I was in so much pain (the worse pain I have ever experienced) I remained calm. I understood at that very moment that my life was going to be redirected. I understood that I needed to sit. I needed to care for me. So much joy has been present in my life since my injury. Thank you for shining His light through our friends, family, and community. Friends and family have reached out by bringing us meals, bathing me, calling us to check in, scooping poop from our almost fifteen year old lab (I know.... breaks my heart), cleaning house, mailing get well cards with notes of inspiration, and gifts. We are truly grateful.
Thank you for reminding me to be brave. I was raised by a strong, independent woman who raised my brother and I on her own. I've learned that when the going gets tough the inner brave lioness inside of me comes out. I have to thank my mama for that! I truly believe that if it wasn't for watching her work her butt off to take care of our family I wouldn't be who I am today.
Thank you for helping me believe in myself. Last year I received my RYT 200 hour teacher training certificate from one of the most inspirational and well respected Anusara inspired yoga teachers I know, Gina Minyard. I first met Gina at a yoga conference several years ago and was in awe the moment I heard her speak. Not only does she know her stuff, but she is one of the most compassionate individuals I know. She is passionate about teaching and breaks things down like no other teacher I've studied with. At that moment, I told myself, she is going to be my teacher. I didn't know when, but 2014 was the year. After training with Gina, meeting new friends and then having my accident I was taught to believe in myself. I think in so many ways I have always believed in myself, but the past several months I have had to dig deeper than ever. I learned the importance of being authentic and embracing who I am. My teachers Gina and Cheryl Crawford told me something that took my healing to another level. They told me it was time to meditate. They advised me to study more and go deeper. So, I did. I attended Professor Paul Muller-Ortega's workshop (thank you Cheryl for watching over me), I read books written by the lovely Pema Chodron, and have studied with Rod Stryker.
I have made it a point to rise with the sun, meditate, study something relating to yoga and/or meditation and give myself a coconut and essential oil massage (my favorite part of any day). I'm still healing but aren't we all? We all have wounds. We all need to heal. I think it helps to believe in ourselves. Know that we are worth it. If we take good care of ourselves, then we are able to be better individuals: more loving wives, comforting mothers, thoughtful daughters, helpful granddaughters, and compassionate human beings. We must believe in ourselves.
2014 has also taught me to do what feels good. I love photographing and everything about it. I love the families, the children, and the fact that because of me my clients have memories that I captured for a lifetime. There are no words that describe the emotions I feel when I walk into a home with walls covered with my work. It's a gift and I am grateful. For many years I have juggled being a photographer, a mother, a wife, a homeschool parent, and a yoga teacher. Since my injury I have had a lot of time to think, to reflect, and to search deep within my soul. I learned something. I need to honor myself and listen to the tiny little voice within.
Welcome 2015... I know there is a lot in store this coming up year. I want to make a difference in my community, in my children's lives and in the world. I want to embrace the good and the bad days with my grandmother. I want to step it up a few notches. I want to say yes more often. I want to think big. I want to take more risks. I want to live colorfully. I want to embrace who God would like for me to be. I want to step out of my comfort zone, expand my heart and allow my spirit to soar.
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