forgiveness

FORGIVENESS ~ We can tote the idea of forgiveness around on our shoulder along with all our other baggage if we choose to, but eventually we get tired of lugging it around.  Start small.  Breathe in forgiveness, allowing the heart to expand and exhale one tiny piece of chaos at a time.  I'm learning that chaos is always there.  It is all around us.  Rather than hide or run from the chaos I've decided to dig deep within the chaos.  In Grounded Yoga we teach a pose called Laughter Hero where the children and I rub "Laughter Cream" all over our bodies.  When I feel overwhelmed I imagine rubbing myself down with Laughter Cream to help with chaotic symptoms whether it be from stress, fear or from being overwhelmed from life in general.  2014 has been filled with change.  This year has been difficult for many due to change.  Change can be hard.  Change can bring up fear and self-doubt.  Rather than scramble for ground I want to be brave enough to breathe into these things.  I'm finding that when I allow myself to feel both the darkness and light I gain balance.  When I take a good look at myself, from deep within, I am able to really feel life.  I'm learning that when I'm only basking in the light I'm turning my cheek away from the darkness.  When I leap into the darkness, embracing it and acknowledging its existence I gain courage and compassion.  Being brave isn't easy.  In fact, its much like being on the Scream Machine at Six Flags.  The ride is rickety and bumpy, even uncomfortable at times, but at the end we find ourselves smiling.  If we are lucky, we are laughing.

Almost everyone I know has been effected by an overwhelming amount of change throughout this year.  For me, I've had so much personal change take place that at times I have found it hard to breathe.  I've had to be more mindful of my breathing.  I often times take deep breaths in, envisioning myself gathering up all the conflict, discomfort and chaos within my mind and my heart, then slowly exhaling releasing it into the universe.  Almost like sending it off with well wishes.  I've been reading  When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times, written by Pema Chödrön.  She helps remind us that change is good, hard times are good.  Appreciating fear and the tenderness that underlines it helps us to connect to fundamental sanity.  A dedicated meditation helps us to touch what is coming up and then we can let it all go (ie. fear, self doubt, worry, etc.).  Humans don't tend to welcome fear wholeheartedly or naturally.  We need help.  Whether it be by surrounding ourselves with those who lift us up or by having a meditation teacher. 

I remind myself often that change can be good.  It's through the dark times that the light shines and helps guide us through the muck that life sometimes drags us through.  Pema says, 

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. 

We as humans do not see fear as an opportunity to go deeper within ourselves and to learn more about who we are.  We automatically hit the panic button and want to run away.  We find all kinds of ways to escape.  But, what if we didn't run away?  What if we hung in there?  What if we opened our hearts up, sat in the muck... better yet, rolled in it.  Just rub that shit all over.  What would happen?  We would eventually stand back up, wipe ourselves off and keep on walking.  When I look over this past year I notice that I have been pulled in so many different directions.  Loving ones are going through difficult times and many are running scared.  I recognize a pattern of human chaos we place on ourselves.  A reaction that comes most natural for us is to run, lash out, drink, do drugs, blame, and become a victim.  I know, in my heart that when I fell flat on my butt and injured my knee the Lord wanted me to sit.  Sit and catch my breath.  Sit still.  I'm sitting and I'm listening.