A test of faith

The past several years have been filled with trials that have tested my faith, my patience and my trust in God.  If daily prayers were posted on social media my prayers for desiring to trust more would have the most "likes".  I strive to teach from where I am in the present moment.  If I'm feeling stuck on a particular day then I may teach a lesson about embracing fear or expanding the heart.  If I am concerned about someone dear to me I may teach a compassionate meditation during class.  Or if I'm overwhelmed and uninspired I may teach a lesson inspired by one of my favorite authors such as E.B. White, Roald Dahl or Dr. Suess.

Have you ever felt like your life is a movie playing before your own eyes while you are on the outside looking in?  I sure have.  I've learned to sit back and watch my life unfold.  But, this hasn't always been the case.  Throughout the past several years there have been times I have felt like I was put on auto pilot.  Just walking, breathing and going about the day out of routine.  Wake and spend time with the Lord, drive the kids to piano, teach, go to the grocery, visit my grandma and so on.  Sometimes with very little emotion while being guided throughout the day.  On the lowest days I have been my worst critic.  I can relate to Sour Kangaroo in Dr. Suess' Horton Hears A Who.  On the so-so days I have felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz just trying to stay on yellow brick road in hopes to get home.  On better days I somehow manage to be cool, calm and collected (even wise) like Charlotte in E.B. White's Charlotte's Web.  Truth be told, on those days I'm just exhausted and numb.  Usually I'm going about the day in constant dialogue with the Lord.  Walking through the day in a mindful meditation while He leads me about the day and gets me where I need to be.

A few of the top most stressful life changes include a job change, commuting, moving and a death in the family.  In the past three years our family has experienced all of these.  Through these changes I have felt helpless, angry, numb, challenged and terrified.  

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Life is full of change.  Some change is exciting and other changes are unexpected and sometimes frightening.  Some we celebrate and others make us want to run and hide.  But, when we allow ourselves to embrace all change something magical happens.

When we go through suffering we are given an opportunity to experience growth more deeply.  Deep within our souls.  So deep within our core that we may experience nausea or pain.  When life throws us lemons we are given an opportunity to make lemonade.  We are also given an opportunity to practice YESES. YES to friends who offer to help out with the kids!  YES to strangers who have prepared a warm meal for us!  YES to opportunities like teaching a class even though I may not feel up to it!  YES to living life even though it feels like everyone else around me is falling apart!  YES to hiking to the top of Stone Mountain!  And, YES to my children who make me laugh everyday!